The Southwest Voice

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Dear Dad,
I am a mother of three children (not toddlers). My husband is a good father, but he doesn’t always present the best example for our sons. I expect my sons to learn how to take care of the yard and take responsibility when they’ve made a mistake. My husband should be a Christian example, the father of our household, and other things. I am concerned that no matter what I try to teach them, our sons will grow up to mirror their dad, as boys seem to look to their father as their main example in life. I have tried talking to my husband about how our sons will mimic his actions (or lack of action), but he doesn’t seem to get it. What can I do?

— Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
We live in a generation that places a high value on education and careers. Men spend years preparing and training to improve job skills, yet many men enter fatherhood with little or no training at all.  We have to learn as we go. Your husband is probably doing the best he knows how. In past generations, dads had the benefit of other male role models, like their own fathers, uncles and friends of the family. If it is possible, encourage your husband to talk with other men who will give him good advice and help him to be more involved in a positive way. You can encourage him and praise him when he does the right thing. Men respond to positive motivation.

Don’t criticize him, but support him. Thoughts of failure and inadequacy may cause him to give up, leave, become overbearing from trying too hard, or develop a passive attitude and fade into the background of your children’s lives. Don’t wait for your husband to assume his leadership role. Get your husband’s support if you have to be the temporary “authority” figure to your sons.

I also suggest counseling from your pastor or a family counselor. Your boys need both parents working together with common goals. Don’t give up on your sons — or your husband.

    Take care,
        Dad