Parenting with Connie: Arrest me now
Parenting with Connie: Arrest me now
By: Connie Moustakis, Parenting Columnist
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Posted by conniem Tue Jan 30, 2007 15:00:16 PST
Viewed 143 times
0 responses 0 comments I spanked my children, and often.
I cannot believe that a legislator in California wants to make spanking a child under 3 years old a misdemeanor punishable by one year in jail.
We currently have child abuse laws that prohibit hitting with closed fists and spanking your child so as to produce welts or black and blue marks. Discipline is a force needed to mold and shape a child’s will, but not to break their spirit.
Corporal punishment should be administered under a controlled circumstance to keep a child from danger, and to discipline when a child is defiant, disobedient, disrespectful, and dishonest.
First of all, shouldn’t we as parents have the right to discipline our children and ultimately protect them?
If my 2-year-old niece is running into the street, I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. If she repeatedly runs into the street, I will give her a swat and explain to her why I swatted her. Therefore, she understands if she runs into the street again, she will get a swat. I am ultimately keeping her safe. She is a defiant child and her ability to reason is limited and at times nonexistent.
Defiance is a willful choice to disobey.
Sometimes a child is trying to get a reaction and other times just testing the limits around them. We all know how the story goes: you tell your child not to touch that hot item and they touch it anyway. That is a lesson all children learn and seldom forget.
Disrespect can be defined as not recognizing authority.
One time I got a call from the junior high school. My child had flipped off the lunch lady. I was mortified, if only because I teach thousands of other kids not to do that particular vulgarity. I drove to the school, picked up my child, and made her apologize to the lunch lady and the principal. Since she was suspended for the rest of the day, I told her that her hands would be used for good. I made her clean the entire house top to bottom. The lunch lady and I still laugh about it.
Disobedience can also manifest itself in dishonesty, for example lying, cheating, and stealing.
One time my toddler wanted a toy from the grocery store. I said no. When bedtime came, I noticed that particular toy in my child’s bed. I scooped her up in her fuzzy pink pajamas and drove her back to the store. I made her give the toy back and apologize to the store manager for taking something that didn’t belong to her. I can still see my tiny little girl in her pajamas with mouse ears and tail apologizing and crying her eyes out.
I didn’t need to spank her that time.
When we spanked, we used a wooden spoon. We had read that using a wooden spoon was effective in that they wouldn’t be afraid of us but the object used for the spanking.
We didn’t make them pull their pants down because that would be humiliating. We spanked our children in a controlled manner and the punishment was proportionate to the offense. We stopped spanking near the junior high years because taking away privileges was far more effective.
Once, in church, my pastor was speaking on discipline. He said to never slap your kids in the face. My children elbowed me because I had done that a few times. I listened to my pastor who said that face slapping steals dignity. I vowed never to slap anyone in the face again. I sat there and remembered how it felt as a child and I didn’t want to leave that legacy with my children.
When disciplining your children, we are not to shame or humiliate them. Years ago, in class, I had a boy who always wore his hood up. I would ask him to take his hood down. When he took his hood down, his hair had been shaved like one of the three stooges. He was being punished for failing grades. I let him wear his hood up. He was humiliated enough on his own turf. This can provoke a child to anger, and we are not to do that either.
What I like about spanking is that it is instant.
Child disobeys, child gets punished, child and parent reconcile. Moment over and lesson learned. Then the parent is in control, and the child feels secure in the boundaries that have been set. The child knows what he or she can get away with, but will always push the boundaries. The child knows what will happen when he or she pushes the boundary.
One time my husband and I were coming back from an anniversary trip and we stopped at the outlet mall. We bought about a dozen very large wooden spoons. When we carried the wooden spoons into the house, the kids scattered because they thought they were in trouble. Looking back, maybe they felt guilty and I should have spanked them. Too late now!
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