The Southwest Voice

All > Columnists > Outdoor Life
Outdoor Life: Are you an obnoxious camper?
Topics: camping
Posted by rdtusmc Thu Aug 10, 2006 05:53:41 PDT
Viewed 509 times
0 responses 0 comments Through five decades of camping with family and friends, I have developed a pre-camping questionnaire you may wish to use, discard or add to. Camping with other people can be a real test of friendship. Sometimes going camping with others can be much like a blind date… you can end up with some of the fondest memories or the camping trip from hell.
Many of my camping experiences revolve around off-roading and involve self-contained motorhomes or travel trailers, but there are quite a few camping trips in my memory of backpacking and tent camping also.
This is a tongue-in-cheek review and could be used similarly to Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck” routine. Like, “You might be an obnoxious camper if…” So if you’re reading this and are one of our regular camping buddies, please don’t get your feathers in a ruffle over this checklist.
And besides, if you were to exclude all individuals who answer incorrectly to any questions listed, you’re really narrowing your field of play.
1.  Do you have children?
2.  Are your kids unruly?
3.  Do your kids typically smart-mouth other adults on camping trips?
4.  Do you or your kids ride dirt bikes and quads in circles through camp all day?
5.  Do you consume alcoholic beverages to the point where you either get mean, fall down or slur your speech to the point of others not being able to understand you?
6.  Do you use foul language in mixed company and/or in front of kids?
7.  Do you sell or consume “controlled substances”?
8.  Do you owe money to loan sharks and are they pursuing you?
9.  Are you a fugitive from justice?
10. Do you target practice with firearms within camp or within 50 feet of camp?
11. Do you use firearms while intoxicated?
12. Do you use those small propane cylinders for target practice?
13. Do you play loud music all night or yell in camp while others are sleeping?
14. Do you understand that “potluck” means that you need to bring something to eat?
15. Do you believe everyone else thinks hearing your body noises is funny?
16. Do you understand that when it is previously agreed upon that we will all leave to go camping with a group of other campers, say at 5:30 p.m., that you will need to start planning, packing and loading your vehicle before 5:29 p.m.?
17. Do you expect others to pick up your trash in camp?
18. Do you use the excuse, “Oh I forgot to bring gas for my dirt bike, can I use yours?” every time you go camping?
19. Do your dogs go camping with you?
20. Do your dogs bark continually?
21. Do you leave your dog’s poop in camp for others to find?
22. Do you think everyone like dogs running around camp unleashed?
23. Do you and your spouse continually argue with each other in public?
24. Do you dump the holding tanks of your RV in camp?
25. Do you not understand that gasoline is flammable?
26. Do you typically build campfires so large that the flames reach 25 feet into the air and can be seen from the Space Shuttle?
27. Do you understand that picnic tables are not to be used for firewood?
28. Do you usually maintain a smoldering “trash fire” all the time in camp?
29. Do you start up your dirt bike in camp at midnight or 5 a.m. so you can “check the jetting" of the engine?
So there you have it. A simple pre-camping questionnaire that one might use to screen candidates for camping with you and your family. Happy Trails!
E-mail Dick at: rdtusmc@msn.com

Send to a Friend

Report a Violation