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Parenting with Connie: Junior high survival 101
Topics: bullying, cell phones, junior high
Posted by lward Wed Aug 2, 2006 14:51:53 PDT
Viewed 624 times
1 response 0 comments We’ve had a junior higher in our home for four years in a row.  I also teach abstinence to junior highers, the highlights of which I have been recording for years.  So I thought I would share some well-earned, sage advice on how to survive your junior higher. (RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!)

ATTITUDES: They will have one; whether it's the seventh grader just entering junior high or the eighth grader who thinks he/she is the “stuff.” Attitudes can manifest many ways. Whether rolling of the eyes or snarly looks, these actions are defiant. You know, the look where the eyes glow, the ears smoke and the lip curls: The Look. Every single junior higher has one of those. What does the look mean? Hmmm, I remember saying to my daughter, “I can hear exactly what your eyes are thinking.” Sound familiar? Attitudes should be disciplined like other infractions. 

BULLYING/SPREADING RUMORS: I have to be honest, it has worsened in the past few years. I'm sure with the dawn of the Internet/cell phone era spreading rumors has become a far more efficient venue. It used to be telephone, telegraph or tell-a-teenager. Now it’s e-mail, text message and instant messaging (IM). Spreading rumors is such a fluid entity that a student could become an outcast by the end of first period and not even know why. 

When I grew up, bullying was simply played out on the dirt pile or the ice rink. Now bullying includes casting out members from a group of friends. Sometimes it is for no reason other than power. I have told moms that there are students who can look at other kids and sense their weakness.

Please keep a watchful eye on your student. Kids will make fun of any student for any reason. Ridiculing is not just calling names anymore. The wound are much deeper and the taunting has become more hurtful. If your student acts sullen and lashes out at home, please try to talk to them. Remember with all the TV/Internet access that bullying and rumors are commonly intertwined with sexual harassment. 

CELL PHONES:  I know some junior high schools allow them. My experience is simple: they are a distraction to everybody. If the school allows a cell phone, then it has to be turned off during school hours. What teenager could possibly follow that rule? I think you are only setting them up to fail. The temptation is far too great. 

I also think that a cell phone offers others full accessibility to your child with no accountability. They can set the ring tone to vibrate and their phones can be on all the time. I have caught junior high girls talking to their boyfriends who attend high school. Students have also been caught text messaging in their pocket. (Quite a talent, if I must say so.)

Isn't it funny that you supply them with cell phones so that you can get a hold of them when you need to? Then, when you can't get a hold of them, they always tell you their phone wasn't working.  That happened one time at 2:45 a.m. We couldn't reach our daughter, so when she came home I made sure her phone didn't work: I threw it against the fireplace.

My husband laughed and said, “I'm glad you throw like a girl because you missed the Thomas Kinkade painting.”

CLING-ON/ DROP-OFF: Stay involved in their school/social life. Schools tell me that their volunteer/involvement level drops greatly when kids enter junior high. This is such a tumultuous time in their lives. They will probably change friends and are really looking for an identity and a place to belong. They need you.  

Do not acquire the drop-off disease, be a cling-on. Our junior highers were with us. We took them to the movies and stayed. We took them to their parties and stayed. We were really annoying parents. Junior highers do not have the mental faculties to make adult decisions. Try not to put them in situations that they cannot handle. 

LOVE/LAUGH: I was grateful when my children moved on from the junior high. Although I have always said that junior high was a time when they were truly unique unto themselves, they are formidable years and can be quite painful. I love teaching them because you never know what to expect. They will walk into my classroom and say things like, “I can call you a crazy cow in German.”  Sometimes they will ask me to watch while they blow milk bubbles out their nose. My favorites are, “I can arm-fart the alphabet backwards” or “I can burp the pledge of allegiance” (and she could). I look at it as fodder for future blackmail opportunities.

Enjoy your junior highers, this is the only time in their life they can be truly geeky and get away with it. 

E-mail Connie at: cmoustakis@bak.rr.com

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