You Know Your From Bakersfield When...
You go to Los Angeles to get some fresh air.
You will park a mile away from the entrance just to have your car parked under a tree.
Instead of people thinking you're "rich" for having leather seats, they think you're stupid.
You laugh when people complain about 95 degree weather.
You're bored one day, and decide to go to 6 Flags Magic Mountain.
You're not worried about the big "California fires" cause by the time it gets any closer, they close the Grapevine.
You've seen the "Stairway to Heaven of lights" while coming back to Bako at night on the Grapevine.
You know to call it "Bako" and why we call it that.
You know what "White, Ming, Rosedale, Calloway, and Panama" mean
When you go out of town & you see a sign saying "Union Ave" you expect to see a hooker.
Rosedale is a world all its own.
Rosedale ALSO needs to be turned into a sitcom.
You remember the TWO times in the last 25 years that it snowed in Bakersfield, and you remember everything you did that snow day.
Everyone always says they're going to leave, but you know that if you try, Bakersfield is like a vacuum and ...after awhile you get sucked right back here!!
You take the "California Roll" at a stop sign to a whole new level.
You know where all the "haunted houses" are when Halloween comes around
You know what an "08er is", where "the Dale" is, and what a "Dalion" is.
And then people who actually MADE it out of this city sit here & laugh at these because they know they're TRUE.
One of your friends owns a house on a spot where you had field parties in high school.
You know the ingredients in a George's Special, or have ever had a "Black and White" for lunch.
You get mad every time you see "Best of Times" when Taft wins at the end. ...or... you get mad every time you see "Best of Times" because who the hell are the Bakersfield Tigers?
You have Mexican Restaurants on every street corner.
You cheer during "Castaway" when Tom Hanks is saved by a porta potty that says "Bakersfield" on the side.
You live an half hour away from mountains but can't see them because of the smog.
You have to explain to friends from out of town what a tri-tip is.
In the summertime you run into more of your neighbors in Pismo than you do in Bakersfield.
You know someone who brags about having gone to school with Kevin Harvick, Joey Porter or knows someone who knows someone whose related to one of the band members of Korn.
A family of four owns six vehicles.
You put on socks, shoes and grab a water bottle, before going out to get your newspaper off your driveway in July.
It's sprinkling out, and there's a report on every news channel about "THE STORM".
It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather related accidents.
You have ever offered someone a Dewar's Chew from a bowl on your coffee table.
You claim to hate LA but go there at least every other month.
You have ever debated the merits of water skiing at Lake Ming versus Buena Vista.
You think beans and salsa go with everything.
You think a restaurant is chintzy if it doesn't come with soup, salad, spaghetti, and fries.
You think a red light is just a suggestion.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You know the pool can be warmer than you are.
You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
Anywhere that takes longer than a 10 minute drive is way too far.
You think you're better than people from FRESNO-haha.
Someone mentions the fair and your thoughts turn to FUNNEL CAKES, Boys scout Baked Potatoes, and Cinnamon Rolls!
You complain about how boring Bakersfield is, but still make fun of people from Delano, Taft and Tehachapi.
Someone from out of town talks about how foggy it is and you tell them, "Just wait."
You swear that just last week there was an orchard where there is now a whole development of houses.
You drive just as fast on a sunny day in June as you do on a foggy day in December.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Bakersfield.
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